It's a good excuse to cry today and since my eyes is still a little teary due to the sensitivity to light from my op on Wednesday, I doubt anybody would actually bother if I sit in my cubicle and cry facing my monitor screen.
Dear Lord...will you please be with me?
And He answers...
Philippians 2:14-16
Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe as you hold out the word of life—in order that I may boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor for nothing.
Friday, November 28, 2008
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
What a day...
Part 1
I find it difficult to decide on whether to go for the Manado trip in April 09.
Even after a week of consideration and a second time asking from my instructor, I said to count me in but later felt ultra uneasy and got him to halt the booking of my flight.
I tried listing down all the possible reasons on what's stopping me and what's not but still couldn't convince myself to a decision.
I began to ask close friends on why I'm having this kinda feeling resulting all sorta answers/ways to decide and yes, I even wrote to darling asking for his opinions which could probably help to the firming up on my decision. But never got a reply...
There is this unrest in me which I really do not know how to describe... But I guess I should conclude, as the last time I had this kinda feeling, there was the tsunami.
Part 2
I fell from a flight of steps, hurting my butt & ankle last evening. Having the blue black kinda pain on both my butt cheeks and few pieces of skin scrapped off showing some white white meat/stuffs on my ankle. I don't think I needa describe further the kinda pain I'm experiencing.
I was dazed by the fall and was with darling when I fell but I guess nothing much could be done as he had to stay for a meeting with his partners.
On my way back alone, I was almost on the verge of crying, but did not, till early morning when I didn't hear any sound even after his meeting. Talk about replying when you are free, I didn't get any when you really are but most of the time seeing him first on his pc replying to others on his forums. To this, I felt like a sore loser. Losing myself to his work/pc/forums which sometimes get me wondering if those ppl really bother on what he writes or just wanting to make use of his expertise.
We had a talk after that as our smses didn't get us anywhere but saying words which are going the untrue and hurting way. Although it didn't started out that well either as I began to spurt out certain things which I would have kept quiet till grave, such as, I really hate what D had done to you but still I prayed well for her.
About the right timing and place to talk to you, when do I ever get the chance, other than this method? In a way, I'm glad we straightened some things out and like I said, if I have to resort to falling down just to talk with you this much again. I would...
I find it difficult to decide on whether to go for the Manado trip in April 09.
Even after a week of consideration and a second time asking from my instructor, I said to count me in but later felt ultra uneasy and got him to halt the booking of my flight.
I tried listing down all the possible reasons on what's stopping me and what's not but still couldn't convince myself to a decision.
I began to ask close friends on why I'm having this kinda feeling resulting all sorta answers/ways to decide and yes, I even wrote to darling asking for his opinions which could probably help to the firming up on my decision. But never got a reply...
There is this unrest in me which I really do not know how to describe... But I guess I should conclude, as the last time I had this kinda feeling, there was the tsunami.
Part 2
I fell from a flight of steps, hurting my butt & ankle last evening. Having the blue black kinda pain on both my butt cheeks and few pieces of skin scrapped off showing some white white meat/stuffs on my ankle. I don't think I needa describe further the kinda pain I'm experiencing.
I was dazed by the fall and was with darling when I fell but I guess nothing much could be done as he had to stay for a meeting with his partners.
On my way back alone, I was almost on the verge of crying, but did not, till early morning when I didn't hear any sound even after his meeting. Talk about replying when you are free, I didn't get any when you really are but most of the time seeing him first on his pc replying to others on his forums. To this, I felt like a sore loser. Losing myself to his work/pc/forums which sometimes get me wondering if those ppl really bother on what he writes or just wanting to make use of his expertise.
We had a talk after that as our smses didn't get us anywhere but saying words which are going the untrue and hurting way. Although it didn't started out that well either as I began to spurt out certain things which I would have kept quiet till grave, such as, I really hate what D had done to you but still I prayed well for her.
About the right timing and place to talk to you, when do I ever get the chance, other than this method? In a way, I'm glad we straightened some things out and like I said, if I have to resort to falling down just to talk with you this much again. I would...
Monday, November 17, 2008
Horror Movies
I haven't been watching horror movies for quite some time. If I do have to recall, my exS were far more scared than I am while watching horror shows which left me feeling more frightened instead.
But I had noticed (after watching "Poltergeist" at the chalet) that I don't feel disturbed after watching horror movies with my dearest! Perhaps it's this sense of security that I get/feel from him and I hope I did not numbed/break his fingers while watching "The Coffin" and "Rec", as there were a few scenes which I had grabbed his hand rather tightly.
Probably in the past, I was confused on how such supernatural stuffs could take place and kept thinking if it was real, even after few weeks. But now, on the second day, I wasn't really thinking as I also know that I only have God to fear.
But the 1 thingy which left me thinking after "The Coffin" was that I hope darling would keep himself healthy & alive, not dying earlier than I do, for I will be very sad and I find it very hard to overcome. It's not that I'm selfish and wanna leave first, leaving him behind...but I believe he'll be stronger than I am. And I do pray that he will take care of himself; sometimes he really get me worrying seeing him eating all those ultra sweet stuffs, junk food and having irregular/short resting hours.
Please. Will you take care of yourself?
But I had noticed (after watching "Poltergeist" at the chalet) that I don't feel disturbed after watching horror movies with my dearest! Perhaps it's this sense of security that I get/feel from him and I hope I did not numbed/break his fingers while watching "The Coffin" and "Rec", as there were a few scenes which I had grabbed his hand rather tightly.
Probably in the past, I was confused on how such supernatural stuffs could take place and kept thinking if it was real, even after few weeks. But now, on the second day, I wasn't really thinking as I also know that I only have God to fear.
But the 1 thingy which left me thinking after "The Coffin" was that I hope darling would keep himself healthy & alive, not dying earlier than I do, for I will be very sad and I find it very hard to overcome. It's not that I'm selfish and wanna leave first, leaving him behind...but I believe he'll be stronger than I am. And I do pray that he will take care of himself; sometimes he really get me worrying seeing him eating all those ultra sweet stuffs, junk food and having irregular/short resting hours.
Please. Will you take care of yourself?
Sunday, November 09, 2008
Finally I can blog about it!
Time simply flew through the past few weeks which had kept me running around to the completion of the thingy which I was doing. And thanks to MM whom had assisted and SM & JJ whom have sealed their lips. Finally I can blog about it!
I'm glad that you like what you had received. And the thingy which I realized was when you had that one wish which everybody says would come true, we often used it on the one whom really matters. I did that too.
I had fun & enjoyed last weekend with you at Turi Beach Resort Batam - a very last minute decision which bookings were only made the day before we left.
Spending time with you just strolling by the beach, admiring the sea view from our room, listening to the waves and getting our fingers dirty eating all those seafood are moments which I'll never forget.
You gave me that silly little girl's giggles when you piggyback me in the waters around the pool; some feeling which I had never felt before; wanting to just hold you tight and never let you go.
(Ya, the pool ok. I didn't torture him to piggyback me on land!)
And thank you for saving me up when I flew off the banana boat so many times. The jet ski ride was fun too but I was just afraid to speed & lose control of it and might get you hurt.
I guess whatever I wanna say is already in what I had given to you. And I'll pray that you will always keep those messages in your heart...
I love you.
I'm glad that you like what you had received. And the thingy which I realized was when you had that one wish which everybody says would come true, we often used it on the one whom really matters. I did that too.
I had fun & enjoyed last weekend with you at Turi Beach Resort Batam - a very last minute decision which bookings were only made the day before we left.
Spending time with you just strolling by the beach, admiring the sea view from our room, listening to the waves and getting our fingers dirty eating all those seafood are moments which I'll never forget.
You gave me that silly little girl's giggles when you piggyback me in the waters around the pool; some feeling which I had never felt before; wanting to just hold you tight and never let you go.
(Ya, the pool ok. I didn't torture him to piggyback me on land!)
And thank you for saving me up when I flew off the banana boat so many times. The jet ski ride was fun too but I was just afraid to speed & lose control of it and might get you hurt.
I guess whatever I wanna say is already in what I had given to you. And I'll pray that you will always keep those messages in your heart...
I love you.
Tuesday, November 04, 2008
Am I a perfectionist?
Judging from the definition on dictionary.com, I definitely don't seem like one. Cos if I am a perfectionist, I probably wouldn't be who/what I am now.
Ahh...okies. Perhaps I had been putting too much pressure on myself on the things that I'm doing and I had unknowingly set myself no room for any mistakes on it.
But I guess by doing the above, no doubt of its importance, it is already a big mistake.
Chill out & Trust in God...I need to say this to myself.
Ahh...okies. Perhaps I had been putting too much pressure on myself on the things that I'm doing and I had unknowingly set myself no room for any mistakes on it.
But I guess by doing the above, no doubt of its importance, it is already a big mistake.
Chill out & Trust in God...I need to say this to myself.
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