All the while, I have not thought much ahead till recent happenings to myself. A big decision which I had made, not only for myself but ‘for whatever the matter’ is too. While I always thought I could do it; when come to the actual situation, I could not. And this was the biggest guilt in my mind...
Having thoughts into the future because of the above (but this has been in my mind even before any of you might have know me). Simplicity - that's all I ever wanted. And if you want to talk about marriage; I want a happy marriage & marriage vows to be exchanged in a church with the one I love and love me. These vows are significant and meaningful that it overwrites anything! I have never thought of wanting a wedding ceremony neither nor to live in a big house. I want no celebration, no decorations, no buffet, etc. Perhaps these were things which someone else might have wished for, but these are certainly not what I want!!!
You also mentioned that you feel it’s only right to provide and had/gonna spent lotsa time trying to build this. Much as I understand your well-planned intentions, but during this process if we had neglected each others’ feelings, causing our feelings to fade or simple cease in time to come. No matter how much money one earns, we can never buy back the time loss and the feelings we had for each other.
Planning is always one thingy, striking a balance is another. I know it’s never easy for anybody to do so, but we just got to try & never give up.
As much as I hope that I can spent more time with you each day and that each weekend will be longer, I know this is not possible. But I still try my very best...
Somewhat my heart has not rested since the day we got together (sounds stupid, if my heart rest, it probably meant that I’m dead). No doubt, I want to shout out loud that I love you, and wanting more in our relationship; I am afraid I might fall badly and never to get up again. There are many fears in my heart and one of them which you already had mentioned, but I know God will give me strength, dispels all fears and always be my pillar.
Perhaps this is one of the reasons which lead me so close to God; there is no other whom I converse so much each day of my daily life.
There is so much that I want to help you with, in every aspect of your life but I know there are limitations to what I could do, except to pray – for patience & strength, for our healing and that we will grow further in this relationship, together with God.
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